Starbucks Report Mocha Sales Increase Due to Mocha Uson
MAKATI, Philippines - International coffee giants Starbucks reported an increase in Philippine sales on mocha-flavored beverages during their 2016 third quarter report.
In a fictional press release given by the company, they attributed the increase in mocha sales to the popular blog maintained by Mocha Uson, a sexy star turned political advocate for populist Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte.
The report mentioned that the Mocha Uson blog is integral to the jump in sales due to the unintentional promotion to the coffee itself.
"We are currently taking advantage of the hype generated by Mocha Uson's blog to the Philippine masses. We expect to see a lot of millennials going to their nearest Starbucks to take pictures of them holding our cups to brag to their friends on Instagram," says Mr. Puyat, Starbucks PH Senior Officer for Product Testing.
According to Mr. Puyat, the usual order is "Mocha Venti with two shots of credibility and please don't add hominems."
When asked if Starbucks PH will continue its operations after President Duterte announced the separation of the Philippines and the United States, Mr. Puyat excused himself from the interview due to heart palpitations.
In a fictional press release given by the company, they attributed the increase in mocha sales to the popular blog maintained by Mocha Uson, a sexy star turned political advocate for populist Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte.
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"We are currently taking advantage of the hype generated by Mocha Uson's blog to the Philippine masses. We expect to see a lot of millennials going to their nearest Starbucks to take pictures of them holding our cups to brag to their friends on Instagram," says Mr. Puyat, Starbucks PH Senior Officer for Product Testing.
According to Mr. Puyat, the usual order is "Mocha Venti with two shots of credibility and please don't add hominems."
When asked if Starbucks PH will continue its operations after President Duterte announced the separation of the Philippines and the United States, Mr. Puyat excused himself from the interview due to heart palpitations.
This news article is satire.
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