China Donates 500 Jet Skis to Philippines

BEIJING, China - The Philippines will receive 500 jet skis from China as a parting gift, according to Foreign Affairs Secretary Perfecto Yasay Jr.

"President Xi Jinping has been gracious enough to donate these jet skis because of his productive discussion with our beloved President Duterte," Yasay said Sunday night.

The three-day state visit of President Rodrigo Duterte to Beijing yielded investment and financing agreements that summed up to $24 billion, of which $15 billion are investment projects and $9 billion credit facilities.

Meanwhile, President Duterte extended his gratitude to the Chinese President by saying "Xie xie", which according to the Department of Interpretation and Clarification for People Ignoring Context (DICPIC), the official interpreter of the President, meant "Thank you" in Chinese.

The President added that he might use one of the jet skis. "[Pu]punta siguro ako sa Scarborough Shoal after all. I will plant the flag of China."

However, Foreign Affairs Secretary Yasay whispered something to the President which prompted him to add "...the flag of China and the Philippines."

This news article is a satire.